Relationships should not default to gender norms

by Mikenzy D.

The beloved pop artist, Jennifer Lopez, has a popular song called “Ain’t Your Mama,” originally released in 2016 but remaining in the popular zeitgeist as gender norms continue to be challenged in 2023. In the song she criticizes gender norms and argues how they are not valid. The song includes lyrics like, “I ain’t gon be cooking all day” and “I ain’t gon’ do your laundry,” which are both gender stereotypes towards women specifically, wherein people falsely assume that all women are good for is cooking and cleaning. Um, no. Although her pop song could be viewed as trivial, she actually brings up a very important issue in society. Overall, it’s both unethical and unrealistic to have gender norms and expectations determine one’s role in society or romantic relationships.

First and foremost, there are actually laws in our country that make treating women and men equally a legal requirement, and several of these laws have been around longer than one might think. The 14th and 19th amendment, as well as Title IX, give women equal protections under the law, so it’s high time societal norms catch up. The 14th Amendment granted citizenship to all persons born or naturalized in the United States, including formerly enslaved people, and provided all citizens with “equal protection” under the laws, and although this amendment is most famous for ending slavery, it also included women under the “equal protection” umbrella. The 19th Amendment granted women the right to vote, which men of course already had, thus giving them equal voice regarding the laws in this country. Title IX, also known as Patsy Takemoto Mink Equal Opportunity in Education Act, states that “no person in the United States shall, on the basis of sex, be excluded from participation in, be denied the benefits of, or be subjected to discrimination,” which is similar to the 14th Amendment that states all men and women are to be treated equal. However, Title IX applies specifically to schools and sports. As the summary of Title IX on Wikipedia reads, the law “prohibits sex-based discrimination in any school or any other education program that receives funding from the federal government.” In short, three laws--and there are probably many more--specifically exist granting legal equality between men and women. As stated earlier, it is high time what is legal on paper become practiced in reality.

Speaking of the 14th Amendment and Title IX, women and men should have equal amounts of opportunities . We’re all capable of the same things. Although women make up only 28% of the workforce in science, technology, engineering and math (STEM), due to them being vastly outnumbered by men in most STEM fields in college, women have been proven to be 23% more successful in reaching their target than men. Actually, if anything, women are more capable than men, according to one statistic from the STEM field. Everybody deserves the same opportunities and to be treated equally no matter the gender.

Lastly, relationships should be equal and not one sided in certain aspects because women being the breadwinners and men doing household tasks does not take away their masculinity. Masculinity is not defined in financial success and if it was men would not be masculine.

Although I have a very strong opinion about this, everyone's opinion is not the same. Some people might say “It’s easier and less stressful in a relationship to have specific roles. It also may help with validation or mental problems for men if they feel successful in the relationship,” but to that I would say that while their opinion is valid many people are forced into gender specific roles in a relationship even if not wanted to and it would be better to stop that all together.

Students have different opinions as well. Karmen R., a student at Airport High School, says, “I think it’s unrealistic to have expectations of what someone is going to do in a relationship. Couples can do gender norms together though and make the most of it, if they’re both okay with it.” Another student, Danielle Z., says, “I don’t know how I feel but if both people in the relationship consent then it’ll be fine. Not my relationship, not my business.” As we can see, not everyone feels the same way. Some may agree and some may completely disagree or have no opinion at all.

All in all, it is immoral to have expectations for your significant other that you don’t have for yourself. Like Jennifer Lopez said, “I ain’t your mama!”

According to www.forbes.com, 90% of men worldwide still have biased attitudes toward women in relationships. Let’s get this number down, way down. Down with the patriarchy!